In the many months since the last entry, my leg has recovered mobility, but there is clearly something affecting my lower back, still sending shots of nerve pain down the back side of the leg……..sciatica?? That makes me feel OLD, some mornings like an ancient crone crawling out of bed, desperately trying to straighten up and feel the grounding of my feet beneath me.
Some things I’ve learned:
–Too much sitting can kill a person. I’m convinced of this. Sitting is an occupational hazard in my profession. Add to that distance driving, and it’s a recipe for death-by-fixed-position.
–Ribs are meant to move. Not breathing, because one is in pain, or one is emotionally locked up and hanging on, causes ribs to forget what they’re supposed to do. When ribs don’t move, the entire torso is affected, movement is inefficient, and parts take over that shouldn’t be doing the work in the first place; thus, shoulder joints take on added stress when reaching, and the lower back stiffens in an attempt to stabilize rather than retaining fluidity and flexibility.
–Dancing only feels like dancing when it’s a high-energy expression, for me. I can feel like the walking dead on a dance floor and find myself becoming more depressed by the moment by the constraint and containment of the movement. That goes back to ‘bound flow’, to suppression (psychologically? emotionally?) and repression, to an internalized ‘retreat’ that implodes and then fizzles.
–Free-style dancing, as in rock-and-roll days, no longer moves me. I miss the interpersonal connection, the contact of partnering. I danced at a holiday party recently, and found myself just keeping the beat with my feet until a friend and I met eye-to-eye and began mirroring each other’s movement, free-style but engaged with each other. I felt myself light up like one of those birthday candles that refuses to be extinguished, instantly recognizing how human connection energizes me, heightens the intensity of moving, creates a soaring sensation of well-being and belonging. She seemed to get it too and we both broke into laughter at the knowing, the feeling our synchrony.