Clients often ask me when. When will we be separated? When can I move out? When can I get my husband/wife to leave? When will it be done?
Those of us who are professionals helping people navigate the muddy waters of separation, divorce and family transition have a saying: “You can only go as fast as the slowest person”. The movement of changing relationships is erratic, at best, not smooth and unidirectional, and not evenly weighted. Invariably, one partner is paces ahead of the other, sometimes lightyears. One person is blown away, blasted by the news, stunned, stricken.
In my work as a divorce coach in the collaborative practice model, I am often helping people catch up to one another, to find a movement that is in synch, that doesn’t pull or push too much, thereby easing the distress of transition. It is sometimes akin to walking an eager, runaway dog with one hand while pushing a heavy cart with the other. If I can feel the strain of twisted movement, how much more difficult for my clients?
Divorce can provide some people with their first experience of having to “sit with” themselves and not force movement. It can be an opportunity to examine how all of us, at one time or another, push, pull, twist, drag, strain in order to make something happen, going against the grain of “process” rather than allowing process to unfold and move organically.
This is a blog about separation, divorce and family transition. It is also about movement in everyday life, whether physical or intentional, external or felt-sense experience. It is about the movements that take us through a process, and the choices we make that have us feel ‘flow’ or ‘stuck’ along the way.